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68 Kill – Trauma, a Cabbie Hat and Third Time’s the Charm

I went to 68 Kill because of Matthew Grey Gubler.

I went back to 68 Kill because of AnnaLynne McCord.

Specifically something she said after the screening.

About Trauma.

First I’ll say (and no spoilers here) this film is stupid fun.  It looks like it’s going on a film fest tour so if it comes to your town go see it, at midnight if possible, it’s just that kind of show.  The energy is raw and fast, there are great twists and turns.  Just ride it.

 

There’s some great role reversals, a magnificent sing along scene, and if you’ve got a dark side,

oh, 68 Kill will.

Feed.

It.

 

Here’s a few things I got out of it.

Liza is a Lion, a wind storm of WHAT THE FUCK.  AnnaLynne is on Fire, Wild eyed and manipulative AF, sliding between conniving, cajoling, gaslighting and straight up beautiful, crazy psycho with flashes of what her true self could be shining through at times which is also heartbreaking.

He asked me if I wanted a pic

with or without the Yellow Cab

hat.  I was like, why not both?

and Gubler – he’s an interesting one.  Plays the role perfectly.  If you are a fan of this guy this film is going to do you right.  I have (like about a jilliion million other people on the planet) always been drawn to his energy.  It’s the kind you just want to….breathe in.  I recognize it because my son has it.  He’s the kind of person people are drawn to and want to take care of.  But some other people are drawn to that energy because they hate it.  Want to squelch it.  Smash it.  Twist it and manipulate it into something else.  That’s why he’s a perfect Chip.  But Gubler has this wonderful childlike wonder about him that just shines through.  And he’s learned when to be slippery, and know when to pull in that childlike piece so people can’t grab it and take it for themselves.  He has a sadness too, which I think is also part of his draw.  Maybe because of that need for the slipperiness at all.  That shield.  Once watching him in something else I heard the song “Tears of a Clown” playing in my head.  It’s a perfect description, happiness, joyfulness, but also a sadness that can’t be hidden.  That’s the piece to him that is heartbreaking too, a little bit.

When people hug me or touch me I can feel things about them.  Even just being near someone you are in their energy, and their information – which is around all of us all the time.  It’s hard to explain but I’ll try to do it and I won’t get too personal, some things are just for me.  But when MMG put his arm around me for the pic it was like there was no stopping point.  I’ll explain – when I met Mike Tyson years ago at Realscreen when I touched him he felt like a rock.  Literally. There was no give, until I spoke to him in his ear.  Then he softened.  Like a jelly.  He turned to me and took my hand in his and took me over to introduce me to his wife.  He smiled the most incredible smile.  He is also like a little boy, I know everyone has their own feelings about Mike Tyson, but I always saw him a Ferdinand the Bull.  Gentle in the center.

But with MMG, it was like there was no boundary of where he stopped.  I was and wasn’t surprised.  It was like sitting in pure joy.  You know when you meet someone you have liked for a long time and it’s like, “oh man, I hope they aren’t a dick” so it like wrecks your image of them? Nope, that didn’t happen at all.  It was a pleasure to meet him.  His touch is soft.  Happy.  Joyful. Open.  But he still has a part he doesn’t share, for a long time.  And that’s good for a person like him.

AnnaLynne and I connected on a conversation around trauma.  Immediately.  ha ha like a tornado, in just like, 3 minutes, we were sharing really personal stuff with each other, because of some of what we’ve been through.  Pain can be an instant link.  Shes’s amazing.  Rich is the word that comes to mind but not like money.  Like…full.  She’s got this million dollar smile and that mane – so impressive.  But it’s also part of her armor.  I know that well, I use that shield too.  Stay at arm’s length, don’t get too close.  But if I know you – and I KNOW you, even within seconds we are thick as thieves.  And when she hugged me, and she really hugged me – I could feel the shield, but I could feel the love too.  I could feel all the giving she has to give and share and help with.  Help other’s who’ve been where she’s been with and that’s big.  Bigger than her, bigger than me.  It’s connection.  I’m a CASA, and a Mental/Behavioral/Social Health + ACES advocate and I’ve done a lot of work for a long time – I can’t not do it, I simply call it the work.  She does the work too.  There’s a drive there that is unstoppable and unbreakable.  She is a force.  What she whispered in my ear made my heart catch in chest and then in my throat, because I’d never heard something like that from someone on the other side.  It went down into me and all through me.  I know that doesn’t make sense but it’s just for me.  I’m thankful to AnnaLynne for that, that and an image she gave me that broke open a part of who I am and why I do what I do.  Something that I am still processing.  So thanks for that, AnnaLynne.  We are sisters in the work.

Seeing this film gave me an opportunity I didn’t see coming that hit me like a freight train.  Then watching it a second time, after talking with AnnaLynne before heading in, it hit me again, but at a different level.  The third time I watched it (yes, 3 times in one week. batshit crazy I know) I saw it on a third level.  The level that was for me.  And I’m still unpacking it.  Because trauma packs itself up tight, then adds to itself in layers.  What I call stitches. It hides in the corners where it’s dark.  Until something comes along to shake it loose, or rattle it out.  In those times it will do the cruelest thing possible.  It will sit in front of you on the floor, unwrapping itself, and because I see in pictures it looks like this blob thing wrapped in an oily, greasy wrinkled rag, about the size of a picnic blanket, but it’s no picnic.  It’s a bloody red, black and blue ball that opens in throbbing bursts like some kind of fucked up punctured anemone smiling this crooked, rotten smile and asks,

“So what are you going to do with me now, bitch?”

So this time, after watching 68 Kill and talking to AnnaLynne, I’ll do the opposite of what trauma wants.  Again.  I won’t recoil in fear.  I’ll kneel down next to it, reach out and pet it.  I’ll whisper to it, “I’m going to use you.  I’m going to shine a light on you.  I’m going to flip our relationship, love, because you have given me everything I need.”

Seeing this film in such an intimate setting as SXSW (if SXSW can be considered intimate…) was a real gift.  The cast and director/producer was there for a Q&A afterwards which was fun and was unexpected because I was at the second showing, not the premiere so it’s cool everyone stuck around for that night.  AnnaLynne, Alisha and Trent stuck around for the 3rd.  Because my memory is so poor I always have to take pictures and everyone was great, very sweet in obliging me.

I also met Alisha Boe who plays Violet – her energy was so hopeful and fresh…clean and new.  She was just so clearly happy, open, when I hugged her I heard “unjaded”.  Stay that way sweet Alisha, or at least let a part of yourself stay that way.  You are a beauty and a dear.  You do Violet right.

Sheila Band.  What can I say?  What THE FUCK.  You would NEVER know the woman I met and spoke with was the same woman on the screen.  That’s a crazy talent.  I was like, how are you the same person I just watched??  But she KILLS as Monica.  Some killer onscreen comedic moments with her, even though they are subtle.  And ok, this woman is tiny in real life.  But she gave me a big hug which was nice.

Ok, Hallie Grace Bradley – we had a super short conversation – in the ladies room ha ha ha, and she cracked me up the whole time.  I couldn’t even tell you what we talked about because I was laughing the whole time.  I’m actually kind of laughing thinking about her and her part in the movie and then her in real life.  She’s really got a ton of talent and is just obviously having a great time.  I feel like she has a lot of inside jokes with just herself.

 

She was with I think the director’s wife who took the pic, who was also hilarious.

 

I also met the director, Trent Haaga, who I think took both the pictures of me and MMG and of me and AnnaLynne.  So thank you very much for that, Trent, ha ha.  He told AnnaLynne, “Oh yea, she was here last night, huge MMG fan” – but I had to stop him because I wanted him to know I’d come back to see 68 Kill again, not for Gubler, but because of what AnnaLynne had said the night before about seeing Liza through the lens of trauma.  In that moment the whole film flipped for me and I had to come back and see it through Liza’s lens.  And after I watched it through her lens I went back a third time to watch it through mine.  Because I’m a high visual processor I see everything.  Every tiny facial movement, every shift in energy, every tiny drawn in breath, actions and reactions.  There are LOTS of those in 68 Kill that you can easily miss the first time around.  So if you are a fan of not only the FUCK YOU in your face thrill of 68 Kill but also the quieter, subtler underlying actions and reactions, see it again.  Or hell, see it 3 times.

See what it unpacks in you.

 

Walk In Investigators…The Book!

One of our members, Joyce Kostakis has written her first book, a Paranormal Detective Mystery, and it’s got a Supper Club Connection…the psychic development group is based on our own Traveling Psychic Supper Club – and it’s available literally everywhere.  Kindle, Barnes and Noble, Amazon, even Austin’s very own Bookpeople…see the photo – it’s on their best seller table!

 

This is a great read with lots of wonderful twists and turns, and has been very well accepted.  If you like mysteries, are drawn to the paranormal, want to check out some real life experiences that Joyce drew from (that I personally can attest to), check it out.  This book is also a great way to learn about “real life” paranormal experiences with straight forward language, real experiences from real people, not “out there” metaphysical types, but down to earth people using their psy skills in real life.

Send any comments for Joyce my way, and if you like it, there’s great news – this is the first book in a series.

You many even recognize the woman on the cover…  😉  to see more about the book on Goodreads, click the pic below.  Coming soon, an interview with me and Joyce.  Although the Traveling Psychic Supper Club group that met monthly has been put to bed, I guess we’ll be forever immortalized in print!

A Video Tarot Reading

For the last 3 years I’ve been saying I wanted to start doing videos.  This is the first attempt and it’s a simple tarot reading I did a while back.  My plans – after working on the TPSC sizzle reel – which never became a reality tv show -which I am grateful for – that it never became a show and for the experience – I kept feeling drawn to YouTube, I felt like “I have to do this my way”.  So here is the first video.

If you have any thoughts I really would love to hear them.  I  want to get better at making videos.  I have lots of ideas of just fun stuff I want to do.  Interviews are next, and I’ll keep throwing readings on here too.  If you are going to be in town for SXSW hit me up here or on twitter, @tpsyDeb – and if I’m in town let’s film a tarot reading, I’ll do trades, videos for the blog for the reading.  (Or if you want a full in person reading we can do that too – those are much longer 1.5 hour and usually involve accessing the Akashic Records.  You can look at the DEB tab to see how I read, and logistics for scheduling.)

For the video trades I just want people to see how I work, and that all this isn’t scary, isn’t creepy, but our psychic skills are just additional ways we can learn about ourselves, our purpose, and our place here with one another.  🙂

If you have a personal psychic experience, we want to hear it too.  I’ve gotten a couple that I still need to put on here, if you sent something in, thank you!  We learn by sharing experiences….and stories.

OH btw, I’m going to be on the radio again this Wednesday on http://www.paramaniaradio.com at 9pm eastern, 8pm central with host Chad McKenzie.  We’ll be talking Intuitive Evolution, personal psychic experiences, physics and wormholes.  Hope you’ll join  us, I’m looking forward to it.  🙂

 

Are you seeing Miracles? Start by SEEING EVERYTHING.

Miracles are going on all around us and although there is no degree – although we tend to start small.  We start with what we can – or allow ourselves to see.  So the question is – Are you seeing Miracles?  If not, why not?  Here are some answers.  And if you keep reading, you’ll see a little miracle, after all the gunk that is….

CLUTTER.  Mind clutter.  I’ve noticed a pattern with people lately – One I used to fall into, and still do on occasion, but now I catch myself.  I’M SOOOOOOO BUSY.  But take a second.  Think about it.  Are you?  ARE you?  how much time are you spending on things that DO NOT MATTER or contribute to your (and the people around you’s) quality of life.  Facebook.  Twitter.  Reading about celebrities – people you do not know and do not know you.  I’m not saying don’t use those things, but use them less or pick 1, only 1.  Notice when you start and when you stop.  10 minutes is more than enough.

DRAMA.  Yours or other people’s.  Doesn’t matter.  Getting down and dirty into someone else’s, or needing to tell your drama story – again, this is KEEPING you away from true quality of life, the true RICH experiences you deserve.  Drama is not a rich experience.  Drama is perpetuating foolishness.  It’s that simple.  Once you take a few steps back you can REALLY see it.  Drama creates DRAG.  Bags dragging on the ground is what I see.  Roots intertwined, creating a suffocation and inability to grow.  Do your friends stress you out?  Do you call them only to bitch, and do they call you to do the same?  It’s time for new friends.  You are holding yourself back from miracles. So many people have told me, “But wait!  What if that person is my MOM/SISTER/BROTHER/DAD??”  Oh yea, I hear that all the time.  ALL the time!  Should the fact you are related to this person have anything to do with the fact you are allowing the relationship to hold you back from miracles?  (Notice what I said – you are allowing the relationship to hold you back from miracles.  I didn’t say  THEY are holding you back from miracles.  See what I did there?  See what you are allowing?  BAM!

Here’s the flip of those:

CLEAN OPEN SPACES:  Clear out the crap.  Then do another sweep and clear out some more.  I’m in the process of doing this, in my home.  Clean it out and DON’T IMMEDIATELY GO LOOKING FOR MORE!  Don’t replace what you just cleaned! We all do it, notice it, and stop.  It works the same way in life.  Instead of buying more disposable crap, get rid of it all and get one GOOD thing that does the job.  You only need one.  (I only need one, maybe two black t-shirts.  Do you know what I pick up the most when I go shop?  PUT DOWN THE BLACK T SHIRT!  YOU ALREADY HAVE 10!)  See how this carries over to FB, Twitter, Instagram, TMZ, You don’t have to read Every Article on FB.  Pick one.  Move on.  DON’T read the comments.  They will only piss you off and contribute to that mind clutter.  Leave some open space – for spontaneity, to do something different, stop and chat face to face with a friend…great things can happen in that “open” space.  Take your kid for an ice cream, throw the ball for 10 minutes, you get it.  There are no screens in open space.  (Sorry)

DON’T PLAY:  Divert Divert Divert.  Present positive conversations instead of negative ones.  Thing is, sometimes that doesn’t work.  Be ok with that.  Just don’t return those phone calls, or if you are able, let that person know you can’t have that conversation anymore, but say it with love – Literally – tell them, listen, “I love you, but I just can’t talk about that anymore”.  Or simply say “That doesn’t work for me.”  Simple.  To the point.  Not a lot of words, and more importantly NO EXCUSES.  I learned that from my Mother In Law Years ago – and I still use it to this day.  No Judgement, no fluff.  I share it with people all the time and see that light bulb go on…wow.  Yea, that DOESN’T work for me!  You’re welcome.

Some people will feel judged by that, but remember, you are trying to see miracles, don’t let that stand in your way.  Invite them to see miracles too!  Some will take you up on it, some won’t.  That’s just the way it is.  Maybe the invitation plants a seed that you will never see grow.  But the seed is there none the less.  Pretty cool.

Do these things and then…going through your day, notice EVERYTHING.  Let your vision open.  Use the peripheral.  REALLY use the peripheral.  Here’s an example – a couple of days ago I went out back to let my dogs out.  The sun was shining on the grass, and I noticed a twinkle.  I’d been standing on the back porch just looking at…well, nothing.  Just looking around the yard, when I saw that twinkle.  Can you see them?  bigger picture blades of grass

They caught my attention because I WASN’T REALLY LOOKING FOR ANYTHING.  I was just in open space.  I wasn’t trying to accomplish anything, or make something happen, fill the time with something.  But when I saw that little twinkle, I thought, “huh, what’s that?”  and I walked over.  This is what I saw.

widebladespic

blades of grass

And I was amazed.  Each blade that held a drop and almost all of them did – was beautiful in its own right.  But together, they were stupendous.  And they were everywhere.  I took a few minutes to take the pictures and just enjoy them.  I felt like each one was smiling at me, happy to be recognized.  Miracles are HAPPY to be recognized.  This was a beautiful shared moment.  The picture cannot express the feeling I felt being connected just momentarily to these tiny sweet blades of grass.  I looked out later, and the drops were gone.

Open space allows for miracles to be seen.  Tunnel vision does not allow for miracles.  When I work with kids I tell them, SEE EVERYTHING.  We practice it.  I tell them look at me, but notice – not by looking – but by using your peripheral vision – tell me what color socks the kid next to you is wearing.  It freaks them out that they can do that.  I tell them, practice seeing everything.  When you train yourself to “see everything” you start catching the little things.  And that’s where a lot of the miracles are.  That’s where we start seeing them anyway.  Connections happen, in the little miracles.  When you start connecting to the little things, you start CONNECTING the little things.  You notice synchronicities.  Then you notice more.  And when you notice more, you start to talk about them, then you talk less about drama.  This is the way this happens.  You are open to the new and forget, simply forget about the old.  You are ready for experiences that SERVE you, and in turn you can SERVE others.  Remember the clutter?  Does it serve you?  If it doesn’t get rid of it.  Does the Drama serve you, so you in turn can serve others?  You know the answers.  See the connections.  They will only get bigger and more frequent.  See EVERYTHING, and you will inevitably SEE MIRACLES.

And when you repeatedly see miracles, you start to TALK about miracles.  Then you talk about miracles more and more, and the only conversations you have are about miracles.  And they spark other interesting conversations and connections.  Believe me, I see it EVERY DAY.  Sure you still go to work, but you see it differently.  You still have to  go to the store, get gas, drive your kids around, but you live it DIFFERENTLY.  You begin to see things differently, then you begin to do things with intent.  You still go  on Facebook, but for shorter periods of time, because your life is fuller with good stuff.  People start to send you stories like this one.  And you know where I got it?  My Mom – sent it to me….on Facebook.

If you have time read the article and watch the video, but definitely read the article – it lists way more miracles than the video does.  And please note: this is not about religion.  This is about a direct connection, synchronicities that cannot be denied, and a little boy who was dead for 45 minutes who came back to life.  It’s that simple.  If you enjoy it, or feel lead to, please share.  Let’s talk about Miracles.

http://penews.org/Article/Doctors-Say-John-Smith-is-Bona-Fide-Miracle

Have an amazing, miracle filled day.

 

Creating Catalysts – Psi-Mind, Evolution and Accessing Upper Intelligence

It’s been a while and again, of course TPSC has undergone a change, but it’s part of a long line of evolution…

we’ve gone from social – raising the flag to draw those first key individuals, all of whom have moved on, or mostly moved on….worked on the beginnings of a TV show – which showed me I can’t conform to be something I’m not, I don’t fit into a box.  When we were doing that I was worried all the time, is this what a network would want?  Am I doing this the right way?  Is this going to be put together in a way that represents what I’m truly trying to convey?  So even though the show didn’t materialize – it did it’s job.  It showed me I have to be exactly who I am and not worry about what other people think.

During that time TPSC also became a radio show – we are broadcast every Thursday evening at 5:00pm central time on www.paramaniaradio.com  – if you miss a show or would like to go back and listen to old shows TPSC is available on demand here: http://paramaniaradio.com/On-Demand.php?ondemanddir=Traveling%20Psychic%20Supper%20Club – there are currently 53 shows available – and you can listen on the site or download them.  The radio show broadened the reach, and it brought in yet more amazing minds who continue on with me today.  Others that are living this life, utilizing the skills we all have available to us.  I value and reach out to these minds on a regular basis, check in and continue to evaluate my own growth.  For these people and relationships I am eternally grateful.

paramania-logo

And the evolution has continued.  Now TPSC is a focused development and study group, meeting again in Austin, Texas.  We are monthly again, not around food, but around information.  In my own personal evolution I have become a researcher and am
daily gaining knowledge and information about that which exists outside of us.  Information that our Psi-mind can access.  In the future this blog will be used as a source to store information about my research, as a place to reach others that are doing similar research, even in fringe areas, and of course to connect with readers and share information.  TPSC is no longer a social group, that time has past.  We have always been about development, but now the time has come to push all…for lack of a better word – bullshit aside.  It’s time to get down to it.  There is work to be done.  Another thing:  I’m not adding pretty pictures, I don’t care about SEO.  If you find this page, it’s because you were meant to be here.  I’m not using internet tricks to draw traffic to this page.

And to the skeptics I say:  Just because you – you yourself personally, or who you represent  – don’t see something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  You can say all you want about me, fellow researchers, fellow Psi-minded, it doesn’t matter.  There are those of us already accessing and living full and growing lives utilizing our Psi skills.  Your fear and need to admonish us only keeps other people away and closed off from their ingrained God given Upper Intelligence.  Many people are living rich full lives, where there is no division between the Psi-mind and the “human” mind.  We are here, we are accessing what exists and is available to all of us.  Shame on you for keeping people in the dark.  There is a tipping point coming.  Fear can hide what exists for only so long.  And I extend an invitation:  Join us any time.  🙂

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